– The problem –
“I was facing a very difficult situation at work. I was told that I wasn’t doing what I should be doing and that I was too dumb. My boss wanted to bully me out of my job and I felt devastated.
Going back a long time, my general sense of safety has always been built on my financial safety so I felt that losing my job would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me.
– Deciding I needed help –
When I reached out to you, Suzanne, I felt helpless.
I couldn’t act like a full professional because I was becoming oversensitive about the situation and wanted to avoid crying when my boss talked to me. I felt threatened. I couldn’t concentrate. I had it on loop in my mind that whatever I do, it’s bad.
When I first met you, we clicked and I felt like we’d known each other for ages. I had read some of your posts and they had resonated.
I reached out to you because I was under time pressure and needed fast results. I didn’t have time to do psychotherapy for a year or two, I needed something that will change things quickly.
– The Objective –
I wasn’t under the illusion that you’d help me keep my job or get me another one.
Your job was to help me develop enough self-worth so that I could go through the process professionally, looking at the situation at work from an objective perspective rather than through the self-critical lens I had been using for years.
In the past, ten people would tell me that I’d helped them and that I was doing a great job. Then my boss would come along and tell me I’m rubbish and I would believe her and not the others.
I also wanted to feel safe in my life through other things than just my ability to earn a good salary.
– How Suzanne helped –
You helped me feel confident and to actually listen to objective evaluations of my performance.
I was also able to objectively look at my work and feel good about it regardless of what someone else said.
I gained an emotional distance so that I could act professionally in subsequent HR meetings. I got the works’ council in to support me.
In fact, I was more confident, professional and reasonable in those meetings than my boss! It soon became clear that it was a deep personal conflict and not a case of me doing a bad job.
I still knew that I had to leave but this meant I couldn’t be fired. I was so relieved AND it didn’t feel like the end of the world anymore. This was huge!
In fact, the change in perspective gave me a completely different negotiation standpoint and I got excellent severance pay.
At the same time, I was contacted by a former boss who offered me a great, new job in another organisation. All during Corona! I started in September 2020.
– On Reflection –
The main thing I got from you, Suzanne, is a totally different perspective of looking at things that are happening in my life. I’m not completely down anymore because one person tells me I’m bad. I have a deep sense of my self-worth now and I know I’m good at my work. I listen when people praise me and I take it objectively.
In the past, I had dealt with some childhood issues to do with criticism on a conscious level with a psychotherapist but you helped me deal with and change this issue on a deep, subconscious level.
I would definitely recommend working with you to people who know objectively that they are good at their work but somehow deep down don’t believe it. Those who don’t have two years to sort out a problem and feel better. Who are lost and don’t know what to do. Who want fast results. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!”