Learning To Love Who You Really Are

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been fascinated by personality tests and quizzes.

When I was a teenager I started regularly buying a magazine called Jackie.  You know the type – make-up tips, articles on what to do if a boy asks you out, interviews with Duran Duran (Simon Le Bon – drool!)

Anyway, there also used to be quizzes where you’d circle answers A, B, C or D and add them up to find out what kind of boys you liked if you’re a good friend or to discover if you’re the life-and-soul of the party type.

The answers never really meant much to me, though because I didn’t know myself.

I didn’t know how to interpret the results but I was still fascinated by them.

How do they know who I am?

They don’t know me enough to tell me how I react in certain situations!

And how dare they embarrass me in front of my friends!

All part of growing up, I suppose.  But I still didn’t know who and how I really was as a person.

When I Didn’t Know Who I Was

It didn’t help matters when I started hanging out with a different crowd of girls at my girls’ grammar school during the sixth form (16-18 years of age).  All my former friends had left school at 16.

I was a shy and sensible girl at that time and I went through a baptism of fire with this cool clique.

They used to laugh and joke about me, often shouting in unison, “Panic!” on school trips when I would mention that it was time to be getting back to the meeting point soon, or if I would voice a worry. It was awful.

Deep down I also hated the way they thought they were better than the other girls, laughing and ridiculing some of them for being “square” or frumpy.  At the time, I was no better on the outside because I joined them to stay part of the in-crowd.

They used to have a list of “who had done what with boys” and were proud of their personal scores.

When they asked me how far I had gone with a boy, I was mortified.  I just clammed up and didn’t let them in on my secrets (not that I had many of that ilk anyway).  I really did not trust them at all.

So, in their frustration with me for not playing their game, they promptly put me at the bottom of the list and labelled me from there on in, “Sue the Virgin”.

I craved a close friendship with someone but didn’t trust any of them further than I could throw them.  They were just mates for going partying with at the weekend and nothing more.

And I didn’t want to confront them for their cruelties because I wouldn’t have liked dealing with conflict.

Learning To Know And Love Myself

All these years later, I know that there was nothing wrong with me.  I just didn’t know myself very well and was suffering from low self-esteem.

So how did I get to know and love myself?

It has been a long journey, step by step (and sometimes two steps forwards and one step back).

Firstly, I broke off contact with those “friends” as soon as they all went to university.

Secondly, I started working in London, earning money and making new contacts and friends.

After two years of commuting, I trusted my instincts for one of the first times in my life.

I’d visited a friend in Liverpool a few times and loved it, so I handed in my notice and moved there. For the first time in my life, I felt so free to be myself just as I was.  It was exhilarating!

During the year there, I plucked up the courage to apply to university and that totally changed everything again.

I studied something that I was really interested in: history – especially women and work in the 19th and 20th centuries – and German.

I met friends for life.

The day after my graduation ceremony I moved to Germany (again, where I felt so free to be me).

Since then I’ve continued my self-development journey in fits and starts of intensity.  Reading tons of self-help books, doing psychotherapy, trying different therapies and methods, pushing my boundaries, working as a self-employed business English coach (with my own clients, not for a language school), getting married, having children.

Then, in 2011, I discovered hypnosis and it changed everything again.

I learnt that the subconscious mind is the real boss in our brains, not our ego, will-power, conscious mind.

I learnt that everyone has the power within themselves to change their lives.

And I learnt a lot about myself through hypnotic regression and self-reflection so that I could re-programme my mind for change and success.

Last year, as part of my business development training, I did the Gallup Strengths Test, a scientifically-backed, extremely detailed personality test.

This time, when I got the results (34 strengths listed from the strongest to the weakest), I DID know what to do with the results.

They were fascinating!

Finally, I could put into words how I truly am.

And I fell in love with myself a little more 😍.

Connecting The Dots

Here are some of my top Gallup Strengths™, what they mean and how they relate to past experiences and my present career passion:

Responsibility: Taking psychological ownership of what I say I will do. I’m committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.  (This is why I felt so awful hanging around with the unfair in-crowd at school).

Consistency:  I’m keenly aware of the need to treat people the same. I try to treat everyone in the world with consistency by setting up clear rules and adhering to them (ditto above. Plus this is why hypnosis chose me!  I now know that everyone has the power in them to activate their inner wisdom and innate confidence to live life to the full).

Connectedness: I have faith in the links between all things. I believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has a reason. (The Universe has your back!)

Discipline: I enjoy routine and structure. My world is best described by the order I create.  (This is why I desperately needed to get back to the meeting point on school trips!  And why I love my decluttered, easy to tidy house.)

Context: I enjoy thinking about the past. I understand the present by researching its history. (this is why I studied history and especially recent women’s history so that I could understand what is happening today.  Plus this is why regression in my hypnosis coaching is such an important part of the process. It helps the client understand where the issue comes from so that she can then change it.  Brilliant!)

Activator: I can make things happen by turning thoughts into action. (yay!) I’m often impatient. (ahem)

Harmony: I look for consensus. I don’t enjoy conflict; rather, I seek areas of agreement. (That’s why I thought it was better to carry on hanging out with the in-crowd than to confront them)

Futuristic: I’m inspired by the future and what could be. I inspire others with my visions of the future. (This is invaluable in helping my clients transform their lives)

Relator: I enjoy close relationships with others. I find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal. (And with clients to achieve their goals!)

Focus: I can take a direction, follow through, and make the corrections necessary to stay on track. I prioritise, then act. (I’m a determined little bugger and will not stop until I get what I need or want – including for my clients!)

Woo: I love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. I derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection with another person. (Yes, that’s me!!)

Can you see how I deeply got to know myself through the results of this test?  I can relate them back to past experiences and put my strengths to good use now and in the future 😊.

And I can use hypnosis on myself to achieve higher goals and more success because I know my strengths and which “weaknesses” to work on.

I am, of course, aware that a personality test is not going to solve all of our problems.  But I hope you see how it can help you to understand, know, accept and learn to love yourself as you are.

Because you are wonderful and loving and lovable and lovely just the way you are.

If you would like to use hypnosis to help find out who you are, or to achieve goals and more success in your life, you can see how to work with me here.  And please book a free, initial contact call here.

Thank you for reading and I’m looking forward to serving you again soon!